Eggs ! !

I can cook anything, anything but eggs. Eggs are not my speciality. So when Mark decided he wanted Eggs Benedict for Father's Day, I grimaced to myself......ok, maybe not just to myself. I might have actually groaned out loud.

There are differing accounts as to the origin of eggs Benedict.
1) 1942 - In an interview in the "Talk of the Town" column of The New Yorker in 1942, the year before his death,[1] Lemuel Benedict, a retired Wall Street stock broker, claimed that he had wandered into the Waldorf Hotel in 1894 and, hoping to find a cure for his morning hangover, ordered "buttered toast, poached eggs, crisp bacon and a hooker of hollandaise."

2) 1967 - Craig Claiborne, in September 1967, wrote a column in The New York Times Magazine about a letter he had received from Edward P. Montgomery, an American then residing in France. In it, Montgomery related that the dish was created by Commodore E.C. Benedict, a banker and yachtsman, who died in 1920 at the age of 86. Montgomery also included a recipe for eggs Benedict, stating that the recipe had been given to him by his mother, who had received it from her brother, who was a friend of the Commodore.

3) 1967 - In a letter printed in The New York Times Magazine, Mabel C. Butler responds to Montgomery's claim by stating that Mrs. Le Grand Benedict originated the dish with an order at Delmonico's

and here are a couple of old recipes for making it:

1898 — In Eggs, and how to use them, a recipe for eggs Benedict is given as "split and toast some small muffins; put on each a nice round slice of broiled ham, and on the ham the poached egg; pour over some Hollandaise sauce"

1914 — In the 1914 printing of the The Neighborhood Cook Book, a recipe for eggs Benedict is given as "Place a slightly fried piece of ham on a piece of toast, place poached egg on ham, and pour over all a Hollandaise sauce."

Easy, right? Nope, not if you can't make eggs.

First of all, Mark is a micro-manager, so he thought he needed to tell me how to poach eggs. I poach eggs in a skillet with water, they steam nicely although they are a little watery, but still - SUCCESS. Mark's mom got us some rubber egg cups that you float in water to poach eggs with. When I use a skillet, filled with water, it works fine. When I listen to Mark and use a saucepan filled with water - FAIL. This should've taken me about 4 minutes, but here's how it REALLY went:

1. Happy and excited. Made the sauce, warmed up the ham and toasted the english muffins, so they would all be ready at the exact time my eggs were done.

2. Sauce is smooth and creamy, muffins crisp and toasty, ham, warm and soft.

3.. Cracked 2 eggs in floating cups in saucepan. Eggs looked watery and cooked slow. Before I knew it, they were hard boiled. Mark ate these 2. Fail.

4. Cracked 2 eggs in floating cups in saucepan again (why did I ever listen to Mark??). Water boils over, fills egg cups to the top, eggs are boiled. Again. Put these in a container for breakfast at work. Sauce is cold with a film over the top. Ham is like jerky. Toast is cold and hard.

5. Now I'm getting hungry, because it's been like 30 mins. Everything has been reheated about three times, awaiting the arrival of the perfect poached egg.

6. Ponders going to Perkins. Reluctantly, gets out automatic egg poaching machine. This is easy, you just push the button and steam the egg. When the light goes off it's ready. No problem. Crack 2 eggs, Measure water, close lid, push button.

7. Decide to open Father's Day gift and cards, since I'm getting irritated about breakfast.

8. Check on eggs, light had shut off and since I wasn't hovering over it to take off the lid, it continued to steam. HARD BOILED EGGS. AGAIN. Put these on MY plate. Hey, I don't need a perfect egg.

9. Crack 2 more eggs............Hover..................SUCCESS, only 8 eggs later.

10. Served Eggs Benedict with a fake smile, and a side of sarcasm.

Now if you're good at making eggs, here are some versions of this classic recipe that sound tasty:

Eggs Blackstone substitutes streaky bacon for the ham and adds a tomato slice.
Eggs Florentine substitutes spinach for the ham
Irish Benedict replaces the ham with corned beef hash or Irish bacon.

and then there was this gem:
Country Benedict sometimes known as Eggs Beauregard, replaces the English muffin, ham, and hollandaise sauce with a biscuit, sausage patties, and country gravy. The poached eggs are replaced with eggs fried to choice. - Huh? I think you just made glorified biscuits and gravy, and that's MUCH easier to make.